Advice for Host Families and Au Pairs

A successful au pair experience starts with clear agreements, open communication, and mutual respect. An au pair is not simply an extra pair of hands, but primarily a temporary member of the family who has come to experience Dutch culture. By paying attention to good guidance and communication from the beginning, you create the foundation for a positive and enjoyable experience for everyone.

Provide a Warm Welcome

First impressions can have a lasting impact on the rest of the stay. If possible, take some time off during the first few days to help the au pair become familiar with the family, the house, and the local area. Show her where everything is, explain the daily routines, and take time to get to know each other.

Keep in mind that the first two or three weeks are an adjustment period for both the au pair and the host family. Give each other time and space to get used to the new situation, and do not expect everything to go smoothly immediately.

Make Clear Agreements

Discuss the house rules, working hours, responsibilities, and expectations when the au pair arrives. Many host families find it helpful to put these agreements in writing so that everyone is clear about what is expected.

During the first few weeks, allow the au pair to gradually become part of the family routine and plan an evaluation meeting after approximately two weeks. Discuss together what is going well, whether there are any questions or concerns, and whether any agreements need to be adjusted. Continue to communicate regularly afterwards. Small frustrations are often easy to resolve when they are discussed at an early stage.

Treat the Au Pair as a Member of the Family

An au pair is not a domestic helper, but a temporary member of the family. Show interest in her, involve her in family life, and also give her space for her own personal development. Be willing to give and take. Support the au pair in achieving her personal goals, such as improving her Dutch or discovering Dutch culture. An au pair who feels comfortable and welcome will generally care for the children with more confidence and enjoyment.

Provide a Comfortable Living Environment

Provide the au pair with her own furnished bedroom and sufficient privacy. Ideally, the room should have a window, heating, and a lockable door.

It is also helpful to prepare a welcome folder containing practical information, such as:

• house rules;

• Wi-Fi password;

• important telephone numbers;

• instructions for using household appliances;

• addresses of the GP, supermarket, and school;

• information about public transport and the local area.

Help the Au Pair Feel at Home

Encourage the au pair to build her own social network as soon as possible. Tell her about local activities, language courses, and opportunities to meet other au pairs. An active social life can help with integration and reduce feelings of homesickness.

Give Clear Information About the Children

Every family has its own parenting style and routines. Explain how you handle rules, bedtime, meals, screen time, and any specific needs or characteristics of the children. Do not only explain what you expect, but also how you would like certain tasks to be carried out.

Give the children time to get used to the au pair as well. A calm and gradual introduction helps build trust on both sides.

Respect Rights and Free Time

Respect Dutch regulations regarding au pairs. An au pair may work a maximum of 30 hours per week, with a maximum of 8 hours per day. She is also entitled to at least two days off per week, including at least one full weekend off per month.

Respect her free time as well. Avoid making her feel responsible for the children outside her working hours, unless clear arrangements have been made in advance.

Handle Practical and Financial Matters Properly

Pay the monthly allowance according to the current guidelines and make sure the au pair has appropriate health insurance. Also discuss any costs related to language courses and other necessary expenses.

Discuss holidays well in advance to avoid disappointment or misunderstandings later in the year.

Pay Attention to Safety

Discuss important safety rules inside and around the home. This may include fire safety, the use of medication, traffic, swimming, and what to do in an emergency or when a child becomes ill.

If the au pair uses a bicycle or car, provide clear information about Dutch traffic rules and make agreements about its use, possible damage, and insurance.

Be Aware of Cultural Differences

Every culture has its own habits, values, and ways of communicating. Be patient and explain things rather than assuming that everything is obvious or understood. Show appreciation for the au pair’s efforts and regularly express your thanks or give a compliment. An open attitude and mutual understanding will help create a positive relationship.

Don’t Forget the Administration

When the au pair’s stay comes to an end, remember to deregister her from the municipality in good time and complete any other necessary administrative procedures.

Enjoy the Experience

An au pair can bring new perspectives, another culture, and often a special bond with the family. With clear agreements, mutual respect, good communication, and warm guidance, you can create a valuable experience that both the host family and the au pair will look back on with pleasure.